I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
