Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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