I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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