They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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