remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
