If i come over, it means nothing
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
