What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
