He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
