Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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