i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize