I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
