I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
