i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
