Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
