Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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