I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
