I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
