Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
