She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
