That's when you crack a 10am beer
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
whose parrot is this?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
