My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
third nipple confirmed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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