wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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