just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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