You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
