Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
