please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
