He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
