I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
