new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
