there's paper in my vomit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
