If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
