Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
