I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize