who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we're making bets on your personal life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
