haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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