I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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