you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
