I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
