I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
