Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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