hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
