but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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