mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
