I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
