This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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