I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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