He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
