I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
