but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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