i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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