I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
