Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
being pregnant is like rehab
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
