My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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