I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love accidental penises.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
