Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
