I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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