I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
