so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
