so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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