Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
