last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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