i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
