ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
