As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
