I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
