Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize